Virgin

I think I finally understand the Apple hardware design ethic. It's there to remind us what grubby, filthy, hair-shedding, skin-shedding ape descendants we are, and a way for Mr Ive to show how perfect his life must be. I bet he doesn't shed skin - he must have evolved to the point where his dead skin and hair are re-absorbed into his body and formed into tiny angels that seranade him and his family to sleep and guarantee his entry into heaven.

I bet even his farts smell of lavender and his sweat never reaches that foul odour; instead the only bacteria that have adapted to living on his skin turn it into a subtle musk with a hint of refreshing lime leaves.

My two day old apple keyboard has already lost its virginity, with a few minor hairs (they look like eye-lashes) in places that only a feather duster would be able to go without dismantling the whole thing. God knows how much this is going to show me up over its lifetime. My dell keyboard at work, with its dull dark blue, never shows anything up, being designed for use by mere apes.

Jonathan Ive was sent to earth to make the rest of us feel dirty. Bastard.